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DECEMBER PRACTICE
Whenever you have the urge to take on a problem or issue that is NOT yours to fix, gently remind yourself to let other people deal with their own issues by saying to yourself, “ This is Not my job.”
In fact, if you have a habit of trying to fix and change other people, obligating yourself to please others (then end up resenting them), or agree to do things you regret, practice using this phrase in all of those situations, take a breath and let your silence speak for you.
REDUCING STRESS THROUGH CLEAR SPEAKING
Do you avoid saying what you really think?
Do you nod and seem to agree when you are really thinking that what someone is saying is, well nuts, then gossip about that person later?
Do you judge people while smiling at them, knowing that you will steer clear of them from now on?
Do you feel the need to defend, explain and justify your opinion, when you DO reveal it?
Do you say: “ I don’t want to give her a reason to be mad at me? ”
"I don’t want to get ‘that’ involved.” ‘ It’s none of my business.” “ I don’t want to get him upset.” “I don’t want to spend ‘that’ much energy dealing with him.” “It’s not about her, it’s about me.” BUT, then live with, dwell on and mull over those people and circumstances for hours…or days? Well your heart, your gut and your blood pressure are suffering the consequences of that stress.
Clear, simple direct speaking really is the key to creating less stressful healthier relationships. I don’t mean for you to sell your judgments as the ‘truth’, but to express your thoughts and opinions clearly so you don’t carry around the stress. The ability to have a conflict openly that is merely a difference of opinion actually reduces long term misunderstandings and ongoing conflicts. Speaking honestly also has this bonus: You can weed out the people you are compatible with and those you are not, quickly and without drama. You can hang with people who can laugh with you and at you, without malice. You can let your thoughts, feelings and desires be known and trust that if you show up depressed, angry, or just plain weird, your real friends will deal with it. You can create healthy relationships with employees, employer or co-workers by relating more honestly, even if you don’t particularly like them, as long as you steer clear of any agenda to change them.
There are four basic “levels’ of relatedness and everyone you know falls into one of these. ONE: love and acceptance, a feeling of ease around them TWO: like and a potential for love and friendship THREE: Neutral. Don’t particularly like ‘em, or dislike ‘em. FOUR: Dislike, distrust, uncomfortable around them.
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DECEMBER 2007 STRESS RELIEF
1. Take ten slow deep breaths at least 3 times a day. You can easily help yourself remember to do this by choosing to add the breaths to things you will do anyway, like stopping at red lights, after you brush your teeth, right before you get out of your car (especially if you are visiting the in-laws this holiday season!), before you bolt out of bed in the morning, or when you’re in the shower.
2. Plan ‘down time’ for yourself ( a movie, coffee alone with a book, a drive through a park, visit to a museum, a drink with a friend) at least twice a week, especially during the busy holiday season to give you the boost and added energy you need to carry on.
3. Get a massage. Schedule it in the midst of your Holiday plans. You’ll be glad you did. DECEMBER PRACTICE Whenever you have the urge to take on a problem or issue that is NOT yours to fix, gently remind yourself to let other people deal with their own issues by saying to yourself, “ This is Not my job.” In fact, if you have a habit of trying to fix and change other people, obligating yourself to please others (then end up resenting them), or agree to do things you regret, practice using this phrase in all of those situations, take a breath and let your silence speak for you.
If you would like to take charge of your ability to consistently reduce the stress in your life, for FREE, then click here to sign up to receive MONTHLY STRESS RELIEF TIPS AND PRACTICES Each month you will receive three tips and one practice to incorporate into your life plus a brief article or link that relates to stress and self management.
Fact: not everyone likes you.
Fact: you don’t like everyone.
Fact: That’s reality, you can accept it and be happy or live in a stew pf stress and discomfort. I suggest, that Comfort and Joy begins with you…as an insi
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